That without love, there is no grief. Grief is acute and painful love which has no physical channel. I always find myself overcome at watching human emotion - love and family predominantly. If you ever want to see the essence of what it is to be human, go and sit at an airport and watch people be reunited. I think that may have been the end credits of the film "Love Actually" but it's true - I've done it. Several years ago I went to collect some friends from Gatwick airport and I sat quietly for a few hours watching people. I was moved to tears by some of the reunions. That is what it is to be human. To belong, to love, to feel, to need and to appreciate. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, perhaps with the exception of warring ex partners. Grief is the emotion of extreme physical absence of one that is loved. With Freddie I was in love; without him I am painfully and wildly in love.
What have I learnt about myself since January? That my love is powerful... That life is fleeting.... That life isn't about happy ever afters, wads of cash or a pimp car (I can't deny I would turn any of these down...) because when one or all of those disappear - life still exists and you have to find new meaning. I've never believed in happy ever afters as such - I'm far too much of a pessimist for that, but I did think my darkest days were behind me, I've learnt that we walk into darkness - the unknown, so try and live for the light in the here and now. Make plans, have dreams, be excited but take stock every day of what is good right now. I go back to something my wonderful friend taught me about listing even the smallest pleasures day by day.
Above all else love. Just love. Love your friends, your family, love as much as you can because it's all we can do in the end.
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